Beyond the Breakthrough

I’m privileged to work in service to humanity, offering witness and guidance to those who have the courage to come face-to-face with their beliefs, wounds, misconceptions and disappointments in return for the opportunity to create a new way of living.  And yet, I am always very clear that there’s still very important work to be accomplished beyond a breakthrough coaching session.
     
Get a Clear Vision
I always want a client to think about what long-term success looks like.  Success starts with a vision, which is very different from setting a goal.  Where a goal creates action based on a short-term, time-based focus — a vision creates a picture of the outer horizon that pulls the unconscious mind forward with a compelling and inspiring look into the future.  I like to think of a vision as a potential living legacy.   Creating a vision is never a pre-session assignment because most clients aren’t capable of creating a vision worthy of their full potential until they are unencumbered from the beliefs and rules that limit their ability to dream from a place of love, not protection.
 
Align Actions with Vision
Once a client gets clear on what they want, it becomes easy to gauge whether they are being the person and acting in accordance with the legacy they want to create.  It couldn’t be simpler; if the vision states, “I am a woman who operates from a place of love, compassion, patience, empathy and grace so that I can nurture healthy and symbiotic relationships” — this person gets to ask herself with every thought, gesture, and behavior if she is honoring her long-term vision of success.  When there’s incongruence, it’s an invitation to create short-term goals or examine our behaviors for beliefs in an effort to move closer to the vision. 

Continue to Release the Beliefs
In a breakthrough session, I guide clients to clear out old unproductive file cabinets that contain limiting beliefs.  Our focus is always in one area of their life — whether career, relationships, spirituality, health and/or fitness, etc.  And yet, individuals have a lifetime of experiences.  This means that the chance of us releasing all negative emotions and limiting beliefs is unrealistic.  Therefore, I encourage clients to continue to release any beliefs that might surface beyond the session.  This is probably the most important step, but the most neglected by clients. 

The pathway to wholeness and self-acceptance is paved with awareness, accountability and a commitment to continued growth, and this should include a practice of letting go.  (In fact, probably one of my most significant beliefs I’ve released was almost two years after my first breakthrough session, but more a
bout that later.)  Once a client knows how to release a belief, the only task at-hand is to identify the belief.  This should be as easy as following the feelings, which is why I always talk about following the emotion in my post-breakthrough meeting.  This process should be a life skill.  Just two weeks ago I had a post-meeting that exemplified this lesson. 

The client and I had spent the first half of our meeting talking about how different she felt, how her body felt absent of the anxiety that use to reside in her abdomen, and how she was showing up differently in relationships.  At some point, however, she mentioned an unproductive conversation she had in her head regarding a long-standing issue between her and her husband.  We both decided to explore what belief was behind the judgmental comment, because we both wanted the progress toward growth to continue.    

First, I asked her to reconnect to the emotion she was feeling at the time she made the judgmental comment.  It was anxiety.  Once she connected to the emotion, I asked her what was behind needing to judge her husband.  She said, “I want everything to happen quickly.  I don’t understand why he was so passive in his action.”  I asked her how long she had this problem of wanting things instantly.  Not surprising, she said all her life.  I then jokingly said, “Did you walk behind your children saying…hurry up, hurry up!” 

I could tell from the look on her face that we hit upon something significant; something that didn’t surface in our breakthrough session.  I inquired about what I was sensing from her physiology and body language.   She responded, “I could feel emotions of anxiety in every part of my body when you said that statement!?”

This example is a great reminder that beliefs can sometimes sound benign, but the emotion will tell us if we’ve hit the jackpot.  She believes she has to hurry up.  This belief creates impatience, directing behavior, rules for productivity, a sharp bluntness in communication…all in the name of expediency.  

As we prepared to release the belief that she needed to hurry up through life, I asked her when this belief was created — before, during or after birth.  She knew intuitively and instantly it was created during pregnancy.  This was a good sign; the immediacy of her response tells me she is getting to the earliest experience that created this early belief.  This information also tells me she is preparing to free herself from one of the oldest concepts that created the relationship problems she’s been experiencing.  And, that is exactly what happened — she released…because there is always work beyond a breakthrough.

Making Change Easier

Who hasn’t set a New Year’s resolution or declared a commitment to change some small aspect of who they are—only to disappoint themselves a few days later? We promise ourselves we will be more patient, positive, or forgiving. We vow to work out or show up on time, but still find ourselves with a stockpile of experiences that fuel the myth that change is hard. Let me tell you why this saga feels true, and how to make change easier.

First, it’s important to understand that we’re wired to preserve energy. Our unconscious inclination to avoid anything that depletes our energy reserve harks back to the time of primal survival when protecting ourselves was synonymous with continued existence. Though our external reality has changed, our mind and body continue to function in this primal way. On the most basic level, this programming is why change can feel so difficult to navigate.

But the biggest obstacle to change is just that—a feeling tethered to old programming. Change doesn’t have to be so challenging. That is, if we understand the unconscious mind operates from a place of emotion. The conscious mind is rational. Our goal is to get them working together, not opposing each other.

Here are the five most common mistakes I’ve witnessed that keep us from integrating the combined power of the unconscious and conscious mind, and thus, making change easier in our lives.

Goals Without Buy-In
Declarations are made, goals are set, and results are measured in our conscious mind. Yet, the conscious mind contributes little to implementing the changes we desire. In reality, the unconscious mind is in charge. It wants to be emotionally wooed and understand the reasons why change is important. Therefore, any announcement related to doing something new needs to speak to the heart, not just the mind. If not, our motivation will wane very quickly.

Ignoring Our Language
The unconscious mind is literal and always lives in the present. So, when individuals tell themselves they will start working out tomorrow – that day never arrives for the unconscious mind. Or, when someone declares, “I will try” or “I should” – they are actually telling their unconscious mind that failure is an option. Therefore, the language necessary to induce real change needs to be very specific to gain the internal cooperation from the real change agent.

Not Understanding How We Learn
I’ve come to understand that all learning happens on the unconscious level. Think about the first time you rode a bike, drove a car, or heard a new telephone number. It wasn’t until you could ride on two wheels effortlessly or recite the telephone number without any mental gymnastics that you had really learned something new. Knowledge alone is not enough, which should explain why just telling someone to do something or attending a one-day training isn’t enough to spark sustainable change. Therefore, repetition is the best way to create new ways of doing or being. In fact, even practicing something in your mind is a great way to create new mental muscle memory.

A Lack of Curiosity About Behaviors
All behavior, programs or strategies are born from the beliefs that send direct neurological commands to the body. Behind every disempowering pattern is a set of protective beliefs. In fact, the only thing our conscious mind does when we engage in behaviors that don’t serve us is to make up stories or reasons for these annoying occurrences. Everything else happens at the unconscious level. Therefore, get curious about why you do the things you do. Look for the beliefs below the behaviors, and question the status quo.

Falsely Relying on Willpower
Willpower or courage is not enough to fuel the change we want in our lives. Sure, sometimes we can push through things by making different choices. Yet studies have proven that our willpower takes us only so far before the mind and body start to slow down and we move into self-preservation mode. What is often viewed as a lack of commitment is actually a depleted energy reservoir. Therefore, unless you are working with someone who specializes in change at the unconscious level – such as an NLP practitioner or hypnotherapist – take change in small steps.

Finally, trust yourself and have faith that you can act in congruence with the person you really are. What you’ll find is that having this empowering mindset has unlimited energy.